Stirring the oatmeal

One of the most profound pieces of advice anyone offered my husband and I regarding marriage came a few minutes before we were officially married in November 2006. We stood together, ready to say our vows but first, the minister, Rev. Luis Leon gave his sermon.

His advice was simple: keep stirring the oatmeal.

In other words, remember that marriage isn’t like instant oatmeal where you heat it up and in minutes, you have the finished product and you can dive into the bowl of oatmeal.

Marriage isn’t no muss, no fuss like when you open the instant oatmeal package.

Rev. Leon said marriage is like steel-cut oatmeal. You need to have patience and tend to the steel-cut oats, stirring constantly. Life gets more complicated as the years go by and you need to keep "stirring" your marriage and take time to work on your relationship whether through dinner dates or other small, thoughtful gestures to each other and not put your relationship on the back burner thinking your marriage will stay as good and strong as the day you were married.   Like steel-cut oatmeal, marriage is not an instant gratification endeavor but rather an instance where putting in continued effort makes the outcome even better.

And I couldn’t agree more as it pertains to oatmeal and marriage and now, parenting. Before our son came along, tending to our marriage was fairly easy. We only had to deal with our jobs when it came to competing interests for spending time with each other. Now, it is also balanced with spending time with our son Davis.

As working parents, Dan and I both feel a pull to spend as much time with our son as possible when we are not working. And making this quality time is paramount. We try to keep work far from our minds and blackberries/iPhones out of the picture so that we can focus on Davis and not be distracted in anyway.

I think of this as stirring the oatmeal, family-style. Passive parenting or having a marriage where you don’t put in effort to keep working on your relationship with your spouse is easy to slip into with how busy lives have become.

But I really try to keep stirring.

I’m not saying it is easy. It’s not. And some days are better than others.

I will admit that it’s definitely a balancing act most days between being a wife, mother and building my fundraising consulting business. I’m constantly looking for ways to keep stirring the oatmeal with my husband and our son. For me, it’s not about doing big things. I have found that small gestures throughout the week make the biggest difference. A lot of times, this is where food comes in.

Which brings me to a rainy early Thursday morning at my house a few weeks ago. Dan had a very busy week at work and was likely to miss lunch that day because of a hectic schedule. Davis was battling a cold. Because of needing to get to work and wanting to play with Davis versus cooking, it is rare that on a weekday morning I have a chance to cook breakfast from scratch for my family. Nothing out of a package feels as special as, say, pancakes or French toast. Knowing my family needed a pick-me-up, I headed straight to the kitchen and began making the most divine oatmeal pancakes.

I do realize that oatmeal pancakes seem a bit unconventional. I pride myself on being a pancake connoisseur and these are unreal. The added benefit is pancakes that are more filling because of the oats and better for you without sacrificing flavor.

While Dan got ready for work, Davis and I hit the kitchen and put the pancakes together. The pancakes took about 5-10 minutes to put together the batter. I substituted fat free plain yogurt for buttermilk and the result was fluffy, moist pancake perfection.

As the three of us ate our pancakes together, I had a moment where I felt more fulfilled than usual and realized in their own way, Dan and Davis both appreciated the special mid-week breakfast. I never knew cooking pancakes from scratch in the middle of the week could make me feel so good. I can’t quite put my finger on it but for whatever reason, I felt like life was in balance at that moment. I had done something in the middle of the week I normally don’t have time to do as a working parent.


Davis enjoying his pancakes.

It made my heart feel full. I had stirred the proverbial oatmeal with my family with a small gesture and in doing so, surprised myself with just how good a rainy Thursday morning can be by 7 am.
Oatmeal Pancakes
(Yields 3 servings of two pancakes each)
**I do realize the irony that this recipe uses quick-cooking oats.
Ingredients
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup nonfat plain yogurt
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 large egg

Details
Combine first seven ingredients in a medium bowl and stir with a whisk.

Combine yogurt, melted butter and egg in a smal bowl.  Add to flour mixture, stirring just until moist.

This is what the batter will look like:

Heat a nonstick griddle over medium heat.  Coat pan with cooking spray.  Spoon about 2 tablespoons per pancake onto griddle.

Turn pancakes over when tops are covered with bubbles; cook until bottoms are lightly browned.

Garnish with fresh berries and/or maple syrup.

Adapted from Cooking Light